Loneliness
There are some days when I feel so alone it almost suffocates me. The emptiness in my house, my bed, my chest... I know I’m the reason my life looks like this. I know it’s my fears and choices that have led to this loneliness—but that doesn’t make it any easier to bear. Most days, I relish the solitude. The silence gives me space to exist within the chaos of my mind, without fear of interruption. My imagination runs wild with dreams of what my life could look like—a week from now, a month, a year. But eventually, the dreams fade, reality knocks at the door, and the coldness of loneliness seeps back in. I think the fear of being with someone has always been with me. Even as a child, when I dreamt of growing up, getting married to the love of my life, and starting a family, there was always this shadow of fear. I've always gone back and forth between craving a deep connection and being terrified of opening myself up beyond friendship. My girlfriends make emotional intimacy seem effor...